In loving memory of my funny, loving, beautiful sister
"Susan Ezell Reaves"

My sister Susan and I grew up in a dysfunctional home. A home of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. At a very early age I developed hope and determination to survive while she started self-medicating. She was beautiful, smart, funny, kind and caring. She married at age 17, had 3 children before she was 23 years old and then went to nursing school. She worked hard to be the top of her class. Susan was a wonderful nurse, had many friends, my silly sister, but continued to self-medicate, which often hindered her relationship with her children. By the time I started my family, Susan's drug and alcohol abuse contributed to divorce(s). She was married 5 times and had left her children. Susan continued nursing until she lost her nursing license. Every coworker said she was the best at caring for others; she was smart, caring, kind, and loving to everyone except herself.
On November 19, 2003, at the age of 53, she overdosed and died. I always knew I had made up my mind to survive, at a very early age; she did not survive. Her children were adults at the time of her death. Each daughter was affected differently when my sister ended her life. One grieved for all the things she wished she'd done for her mother, what-ifs. One grieved for the mother she never had, although she had believed as long as there was breath in her mother's body there was hope, that one day she would be the mother she wanted. One followed her mother's self-destructing path, and we thought she might end it all at any time; but has recently been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig disease (ALS).
Some days I feel angry at my sister for leaving us all; other days I understand. Life is not always easy for those with bi-polar diagnosis. The fight was too hard for Susan and some days it seems too much for me, but I'm still fighting to survive.
In loving memory of my funny, loving, beautiful sister. "Susan Ezell Reaves"