His name is Jimmy. He was born on July 19, 1987 and joined the angels on October 9, 2019. He served in the military as a Marine. He suffered from PTSD and chronic migraines from a traumatic brain injury he incurred during his tenure in the military, though I only ever saw the migraines.
He was the father to 2 beautiful boys, both of which bear a striking resemblance to him. His pride and joy was his eldest son, Logan, whom I nicknamed Spiderman. I loved him and Logan both. We'd known each other for just a small infinity of time, but we agreed that when we met for the first time, we both felt a deep connection with each other, like old friends reconnecting. He went as far as to insinuate that we must have met in an old lifetime. We barely left each other's sides after that, right up until the day he left.
I'd moved in at that point, and I'm grateful for each second I was able to share with him. We got along fabulously, each sharing a dark sense of humor. He was a shower, not a sayer, in terms of feelings. He was kind, generous, funny, loving, and an awesome, awesome father. He was a children's social worker in LA and was also taking his Masters in Psychology to be able to help others. He dedicated time to me and my family when I needed him to the most. In turn, I fell in love with him and his son, and the little "instant family" we became.
His son Logan was his everything and they both became mine. So when he lost full physical custody of Logan, his whole world fractured. Some say it was PTSD that caused him to take his life, but I don't believe that, not today. I believe he fell into the belief that he was just going to ruin Logan's and my life. Therefore, by eliminating himself from our lives, we'd be somehow be better off without him. I know this because he told me this on the phone the day before he left; I remember the pain and hurt in his voice, but I never thought he'd leave me, and never Logan. Logan was his whole life.
I lost so much on October 9th, 2019. I lost my love, my Spiderman, my home, stability, and a little bit of my mind for a bit. I now suffer from PTSD and was recently diagnosed with severe depression. My anxiety does not help. I knew I needed help so I Googled grief support groups near me. I found SOSL and immediately reached out and joined the next meeting I could. Honestly, SOSL has helped me stay alive. Almost complete strangers I had only met through Zoom meetings reached out and told me that they totally understood what I was going through, and though it may seem like I am, I'm not alone, and that it gets better. We all share an unfortunate bond that can't be erased, and I'm so thankful to the facilitators that show how much they care. I look forward to SOSL Zoom meetings and I attend as many as I can, whenever I can.
SOSL is great, and maybe one day, with their help, I'll be able to say what SOSL is in its unabbreviated form.
