I lost my dear husband, Gordon to suicide on August 29, 2002, the day after our 37th wedding anniversary. He was born on March 24, 1941 and knew he was at risk for a brain illness as both of his grandmothers died in mental hospitals. He focused on social work in college and later became a psychotherapist, studying the brain, especially depression. He helped many over the years who were struggling with depression or other mental disorders.
Gordon was a devoted husband, father, grandfather, and uncle. He was a faithful friend, wise mentor, encourager, patient listener, inspirational teacher, a visionary and he definitely lived “outside the box”. He often asked the “tough questions”.
We moved to San Diego in 1979 and he worked as the Director of Residential Services for The Salvation Army Door of Hope. In May 1986, Gordon became a co-owner of Counseling Ministries in La Mesa where he maintained an active practice with several associates until 2000. His first bout of depression occurred in 1998. He was placed on medication for the depression and was able to continue his practice. Then in early 1999 the depression lifted and he asked to be weaned off the medication because of the side effects. He seemed to do well until late in 1999 the depression returned with a vengeance. He went back on meds and started taking homeopathic remedies as well, with approval from his psychiatrist.
That depression lasted until late 2000 and then the depression lifted again and many of his clients were calling, wanting to see him. He set up his counseling practice at home and resumed his consulting practice as well. For him 2001 was a very good year and he was really feeling that God had healed him of the depression. But then, in early 2002 he went into a very deep depression and was hospitalized for the first time in March 2002. He was an inpatient at Sharp Mesa Vista for 2 weeks, a half-way house for a week and then remained in day treatment up to the day he died, August 29, 2002.
My dear love, he battled the depression with all his heart, mind and soul. Only God knows why it was time for him to be relieved of his mental pain. I am so anxious to see him again…. whole and completely healthy… when we meet in heaven. Most importantly, I am so grateful for the help that SOSL provided after the loss of Gordon. Actually, I was familiar with SOSL as Gordon had been a Board member and trained SOSL facilitators. Even as I again relate this story, I find it unbelievable that someone who was so well trained in treating mental illness could eventually succumb to a brain disease. But even as a cardiologist can die of a heart attack and an oncologist can die of cancer, so a mental health professional can die of a brain disease. This is not the typical course of someone with depression, as it is one of the most treatable mental diseases, and many live long successful lives coping with the depression; but it can happen. We just don’t know why sometimes, medications, therapy and even hospitalizations do not prevent loss to suicide.
